151/365

Sometimes silence speaks louder than words.

I think sometimes I want to say a lot of things to people, to just give them a piece of my mind. While it might make me feel better, it does absolutely no good for anyone else. Sometimes when you are silent, you are able to convey more than you would while ever speaking.

I'm trying to teach myself this. Hopefully I'll learn it quickly.

catch you later,
Karleigh

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” // Ambrose Bierce

150/365

Today is the thirtieth of May and I believe that it is my grandmother's birthday. DI, as I called her, was the love of my life for the entire first half of my life. She met me two days after my birth and we were close ever since. She was the youngest of seven and wanted to be a hairdresser. At her father's insistence, she was a secretary instead and met my grandfather in Memphis. 

I was really young when I knew my grandmother so I didn't get to spend a ton of time with her or make a large list of memories, but I do have some stuff. She took me to watch how molasses was made once. She went to the beach with me. She cooked for me all the time and then got mad when I wanted fried bologna instead.

I think a lot of the time we can forget how important someone is to us until they are gone. I remember the last time I saw my grandmother and told her about getting As on my report card. That seems a bit trivial, but I kinda wish now that I could go into the kitchen and show her all of the stuff that I've collected from school. I wish I could just sit beside her and watch The Cosby Show or make biscuits. I wish that I had just a few more minutes, just to tell her how much I love her and how much I appreciate her because I didn't know how to do that when I was ten years old. 

My grandmother was always on my side. She loved my hair in a ponytail and buying me toys. She loved to cook for me, even when I didn't eat it. She loved me a whole bunch and now I wish that I could tell her that I love her just as much. 

catch you later,

Karleigh

"The very old and the very young have something in common that makes it right that they should be left alone together. Dawn and sunset see stars shining in a blue sky; but morning and midday and afternoon do not, poor things.” // Elizabeth Goudge

149/365

Do not let anyone ever tell you that you are not allowed to take time to get over things. I suppose that I've talked about getting over things before but everyone has a different way of dealing with stuff. It's like grief; everyone deals with grief differently. You are allowed to not want to be around people that have hurt you or made you feel like you've hurt them. If you don't want to be around someone, you don't have to.

I'm damn tired of having to cater to other people. So, we should just stop. Stop tiptoeing around other people so that you don't hurt their feelings. Stop hanging on because you feel like you have to. Care about yourself for once. Think about your mental health. Don't compromise your well being for other people. I've told you before that you are the most important person in your life. You are stuck with you forever. You have to be okay with the things that you've done.

I've been cleaning out my room for the past few weeks, after I moved back home. Throughout the time that I've been home, I've been throwing things away. I've collected some bad stuff, some stuff I don't need. It's a long road to bring in the things you want and to get rid of the things you don't. At the end of the day, I'm the one living my life and I want certain things in and certain things out. I'm sorry that it's that way, but some things just can't stick around.

Don't let someone tell you that you can't take time to get over something. Don't let people rush your emotions. You take time for you. Don't compromise yourself for someone else.

catch you later,
Karleigh

"Edit your life frequently and ruthlessly. It’s your masterpiece after all." // Nathan W. Morris 

148/365

I am so proud of the girls my age that have babies. It's a hard job to have children. I know that right now, I couldn't possibly do it. Yesterday, I told you guys about the poop and vomit. I'm assuming that you all knew that I was babysitting. My mother kept some other children this week, so I picked up her regular baby. She's a sweet nine month old with the craziest set of moods that I've ever seen. 

So basically, I'd like to give a hand to all young mothers because you keep the world going. I could never do what you do. I'm still in a "selfish phase," to quote Look Who's Talking. Young women that commit their time to a baby while in their twenties are fantastic. They have a way about them that I could never imagine possessing. So, go you, mom at twenty something. You are doing an awesome job, even when you are so tired you're practically brain dead. 

catch you later,

Karleigh

“But there's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begin.” // Mitch Albom, For One More Day

147/365

I had to face a lot of poop and vomit today. We'll have to talk tomorrow.

catch you later, 

Karleigh

"This was a true pants-pooping moment." // Dinah Katt

146/365

It's really funny that I thought that I could teach elementary school. I have kept kids for a long time and I love most of them fairly easily. They're sweet. I don't know what changes between four and six years of age, something about growing up I suppose. I don't like it. I don't like when kids are over four because they ask a bunch of ridiculous questions and I just don't have the patience for it. I wish I did, but I don't.

Moral of the story is that it's okay to change your major in college to something you think you'd like but perhaps you should talk to someone with that major or experience the job first hand before you change everything up. It's for the best that you try things before you buy into them. 

catch you later,

Karleigh

"Patience is a conquering virtue." // Geoffrey Chaucer

145/365

It's not often that I like to say that something was a good decision while I'm in the middle of it; however, this is one of those times. Writing every day can be a little hard sometimes, especially when I've had a lot to do or I'm tired or sick. I just don't want to, but through writing everyday I have taught myself to be disciplined. I am not someone who always follows through with stuff, like sports. When I was younger, I always quit the sport that I was involved in. They just didn't hold my attention and I just didn't like them.

This is different. Though I don't always love to write these, because it means I have to sit down and take time to do it, they have helped me out quite a lot. Now, I can say that I'm going to write so many words a day on something for me or for fun, and I can do it. I can sit down and write everyday for however long. Writing on here everyday has taught me that.

So I think going out of your comfort zone a bit and challenging yourself to do something you didn't know you could is always going to be a good thing. You should always try to expand yourself as person, I think. I'm literally doing right now.

catch you later,

Karleigh

“All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” // Ernest Hemingway

144/365

Do you know what makes a civilization? They used to ask this constantly in school and after a while, you memorize the answer. A written language. In the time that we have inhabited the Earth, there have been many languages and though some have died and some are just being understood, we are communicating with one another. You will always be able to learn another language. It's hard, but you can do it.

Now, I wonder if you realize how impactful the language that you speak is. Our alphabet, rearranged into more words than you could ever imagine, let alone comprehend, is the concrete base on which we have built. I loved when people tell me that they do not like writing, because I sometimes wish that I also did not like writing. It has made my education easier; in college, all you do is write. However, I cannot help but remember the pleas of med. school when I was a senior in high school. I am not built for science. I am built for words.

You do not love to write. Writing loves you. Words love you. The alphabet that you learned in school, x y z next time won't you sing with me, loved you from the moment you started tracing words onto  lined paper in kindergarten. You do not chose to get caught up in the words that you read in books, to let out a heavy breath when you find a phrase that shouldn't be beautiful, that shouldn't attract your attention. I haven't read nearly as many books as I would like. I haven't finished writing things that I thought of in the car, shower, bed.

I love words because words love me. They pull me into the line, ask me to feel very deeply as I roll them around in my mouth, in my head. And sometimes when I stare at a blinking cursor on my computer screen or hold a pencil in my right hand as I'm poised over sheets of notebook paper, I wish that words would leave me alone. I wish sometimes that they did not love me so much. I wish sometimes that I hated to write, but that will never happen. There are too many thoughts, too many combinations of words that mean so many different things depending just on their formation. Do you know what makes a civilization?

The letters that you write to people on their birthdays. The words that you exchange over the phone when you order pizza, call your parents, cancel an account. The lyrics that you sing in the car when no one is with you. The thoughts that swish through your head. The words that you use to form a paper the night before it's due. Your name.

The letters that come together to spell out who you are, that identify you as a unique individual.  Do you know what makes a civilization?

catch you later,
Karleigh

“Words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest hearts.” // Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind

143/365

To the girls that were sexually assaulted by Josh Duggar,

I am so sorry that you have had to watch Josh Duggar on your television. I'm sorry that you had to watch him get married while you were terrorized by the thoughts of the ways he hurt you. I'm sorry that you got to watch him have children and remain successful, remain a role model. I'm sorry that you had to live for years in secret over the fact that you were assaulted by someone who young girls dreamed about marrying. I'm sorry that teen girls thought that a man like Josh Duggar would make the perfect husband.

You have been wronged. You have been written off as a teenage mistake, no different than the Steubenville Rapists. You have been swept under the rug so that a family could be successful, could be an example to Christians across the world. You are not being defended by journalists, by people on Facebook, by politicians like Mike Huckabee. You are ignored so that people can sit on their sofas and wax poetic about how lovely the Duggar family is and how they make such wonderful role models to young people across the world. You are not a thought in their mind.

I'm sorry that you had to live with years of trauma. I'm sorry that people aren't thinking about you, aren't considering your feelings like they are Josh Duggars. I'm sorry that you haven't been seen as a person with rights, a person in control of your body. I'm sorry that Josh Duggar sexually assaulted you and faced no legal consequences. And if no one tells you this in the wake of this news, please remember that what he did to you has never been and will never be your fault.

catch you later,

Karleigh

“Now, should we treat women as independent agents, responsible for themselves? Of course. But being responsible has nothing to do with being raped. Women don’t get raped because they were drinking or took drugs. Women do not get raped because they weren’t careful enough. Women get raped because someone raped them.” // Jessica Valenti, The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women

142/365

There is a distinct lack of movies that contain strong female relationships. Of course there are more now than when I was younger, but there is not nearly enough films that depict female friendships in a semi-realistic way. Last night, I watched "Crossroads" on Netflix. "Crossroads" is a film that came out in 2002 and it stars Britney Spears. Automatically, you might want to discredit this movie because it has a popstar in it. However, if you haven't seen this, you are severely lacking in your knowledge of film.

The movie follows the rekindling of a friendship between three girls who are at very different stages in life but were once very close friends. Britney plays Lucy, the main character who has done everything she was supposed to do but has yet to find any fulfillment in her life so far. She and two other girls take a road trip to Los Angeles where she plans to meet her mother who left when she was three. Each of the girls go through a series of mistakes and learning experiences that change them as people.

If you have yet to see this movie, you can watch it on Netflix right now. You should go do that immediately. Be prepared to experience a ton of flashbacks.

catch you later,

Karleigh

"This time, we didn't make any wishes for the future. We said goodbye to our past. Now, none of us has any idea where life's gonna take us, 'cause what we have is now. And right now, we have each other." // Lucy, "Crossroads"

141/365

When I was a little girl, I do not remember listening to a lot of music. I have like three really good memories of listening to music when I was little. We had a lady that cleaned our house and her daughter gave me an N*Sync tape. My mom brought home a VHS of music videos that included Beyonce's "Check Up On It." And my dad sent me a mixtape of Britney Spears. 

My love for Britney developed fairly early. I lived for singing her music in the car. We used to play her CD all the time, mainly because I refused to listen to anything else. I remember when Britney went through really hard times, because that's when people stopped listening to her. I had a friend whose mother wouldn't allow Britney's music in their house because she thought that the popstar was a bad influence.

At the time, I can understand that. No one knew what was going to happen to Britney Spears. After watching her perform on the Billboard Music Awards on Sunday, it is clear to say that if there is a popstar model for resilience, Britney Spears is it. She has managed to come back from that awful time in her life and make the absolute most of her career for what it is. She's having a good time now. 

If you feel like post-Kevin-Federline Britney, remember that you could be building up to be 2015-Billboard-Music-Awards Britney. Just grow your hair back out and get ready to make a television special soon. 

catch you later,

Karleigh

“I would like to be called an inspiration to people, not a role model - because I make mistakes like everybody else. When I'm offstage, I'm just like everybody else.” // Britney Spears

140/365

I graduated from community college about four days ago and I have spent the majority of those four days thinking about how much I cannot wait to buy new stationary and start school again. I am one of those people that thrive in an educational setting. Some people are different. I've always enjoyed school, not so much the social aspect as the educational area. I didn't have a ton of friends in high school, not like in college at least. I spent the majority of my time looking forward to class time rather than things like break or lunch.

My education is a get away for me, like some people have sports or other hobbies. I just really like school. I remember being younger and rewriting notes and homework just because. I'm kind of obsessive about how neat and organized my notes are and I have always enjoyed making them look nice. I don't always do a lot of learning though, mainly memorizing when it comes to things that I don't actually need. Like biology; why does an English major need a biology or math course? 

I know a lot of people don't agree. Some people abhor school for their own personal reasons. I'm not invalidating those reasons. Just like someone else cannot tell me that my education is pointless. I love learning and I love school. I guess if this were an eighties movies I would be the nerd... I always knew that Brian was my favorite in The Breakfast Club.

catch you later,

Karleigh

“To generalize is to be an idiot.” // William Blake

139/365

People achieve different levels of success at different ages. Gabby Douglas is nineteen years old and has been to the Olympics. Malala Yousafzai is seventeen and has won the Noble Peace Prize. Harry Styles is twenty one years old and is a part of the most successful boyband since the Beatles. You are probably between the ages of sixteen and twenty-five and you have probably not done any of those things. Guess what... That does not make them more successful in life or a better person than you. 

You can argue with me. I mean, most people want fame or fortune. We want to get rich early, do something great at a young age so we don't have to worry about all of it later. The thing is that you will achieve something. It may not get you an interview on the Today show or an invite to meet the Queen or the President but it will be an accomplishment.

You cannot measure your worth by the successes of the people that are within your age bracket. Everyone excels at different times in different ways and if you lay around, moping about how you'll never be as great as the young people on television then you will never be great at all. Measure your success in how proud you make yourself, how happy you are. At the end of the day, you're never going to have the opportunity to be Gabby Douglas, Malala Yousafzai, or Harry Styles. You just have to be yourself. It's about time we stop comparing ourselves to other people, don't you think?

catch you later,

Karleigh

“Once I had asked God for one or two extra inches in height, but instead he made me as tall as the sky, so high that I could not measure myself.” // Malala Yousafzai, I Am Malala: The Girl Who Stood Up for Education and Was Shot by the Taliban

138/365

Yo, guys. I didn't do a ton today and I haven't been doing any major thinking. I kept a sick baby all morning, then went over to a friend's house and played scrabble. I had to go to my job and request so many days off for my last month working there that I feel like I should have just quit, which sucks. I feel like a pain to my boss because of that. Then I came home, took a shower, and ate Subway. All in all, today was a successful one for me. I made some plans for some upcoming stuff this summer. Now I kind of just want to sit down and write some fun stuff for myself for the rest of the night. 

I'm gonna do that now and then, I'll probably go to bed at ten thirty like I have been lately. Someone I know came home from school a couple of weeks ago and literally slept through the entire weekend. He only woke up for bathroom breaks and meals. I guess my body is doing that too, but through ten thirty bedtimes and nine am wake up calls. I need to start writing more of these blogs in advance, especially because a lot of stuff is coming up that would mean I can't really carry around my laptop. I've got some thinking to do so...

catch you later,

Karleigh

“You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night to write.” // Saul Bellow

137/365

This morning, my Sunday school class talked about what advice we would give to people that are just graduating high school. I was thinking about it for a bit and then I decided that I would tell them this: Do not ever be afraid to be by yourself. Now, I'm not talking about going out at night and thinking that you aren't possibly in danger if you are out late or in a scary area. I'm talking about being comfortable by yourself. 

Whether or not this has happened to you yet, there will come a time when you feel like you are by yourself. That can be a good or a bad thing; sometimes it's both. When you are alone though, you would want to be comfortable like that. It's okay to be by yourself. It's okay to enjoy your own company. I think there is a lack of independence in people in a way that we don't want to go by ourselves anywhere. Have you ever called up someone to go to the store with you? I have and it was just because I didn't want to go alone. That's kinda ridiculous.

It's hard to jump into being okay alone. You aren't really alone if you have your phone or a book. That's your crutch. And then the fear of others. People won't actually pity you when they see you alone. They won't automatically think that you are without friends. You just think that they think that. They actually don't care at all that you are eating alone; if they did, they'd come eat with you. 

So, you should embrace doing things by yourself and for yourself. No one might want to go with you to a play, movie, art show, etc. Be your own companion. Go to movies alone. Go eat alone. Go browse the mall alone. Don't be afraid to be by yourself. You learn a lot when you are alone, because you are forced to teach yourself. Do not confuse being lonely with being alone. You will learn that, while they sometimes may go hand in hand, they are very different.

catch you later,

Karleigh

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” // Gautama Buddha, Sayings Of Buddha

136/365

There comes a point in life when you meet other people and set aside your own beliefs in an effort to understand the minds of others. There is a complexity in the mind. We are so completely complex and no matter the differences that we might find between us, there will always be a point of singularity. You may always find an area of common ground. 

I watched The Theory of Everything, which is a film about the life of Stephen Hawking. You don't hear a lot about Hawking now, though I remember him being talked about when I was younger. Either way, Stephen Hawking, if you don't know, is a very famous physicist. He's done quite a bit of research on time and black holes. He searched for the beginning of the universe, a single point where one could identify the exact beginning of time. 

I'd like to say I enjoy science; I often wish that I did. It's not really my area of expertise, but I finished the film really feeling the need to read Hawking's books. They're probably too complex for me, but it would be nice to read them just for the excess knowledge. I think it's very easy to dislike him due to his alternate beliefs, but you must acknowledge the sheer knowledge that Hawking possesses. There is really no argument against his brain; even ancient philosophers know that math is a point with which you cannot argue. 

Besides Hawking's incomparable knowledge, I really left the film in awe of Jane Hawking. She was literally one of the strongest ladies that I've ever seen in film -- and she's a real person and not just a figment of someone's imagination. It really makes you think of all of the women who do just what she did and haven't the ability to write novels about their experience. Halfway through the film, my mother leaned over and said, "Wouldn't it be wonderful to love and care for someone so intelligent?" It made me really want to read Jane's novel on her life with Hawking. Perhaps I'll add it to my summer reading list.

 

catch you later,
Karleigh

 

"...[W]ithout imperfection, neither you nor I would exist.” // Stephen Hawking

135/365

So, tomorrow is my graduation from my community college and the "official start" to my summer. It's only fitting that we prep for my summer reading. I don't know if I'll have any prereading to do for my next university but I'm going to read these for my own pleasure... and some for my book club.

They are stacked in no particular order on my record player. This photo is wonderful because you can't see the mess that is my bedroom floor. It's hard to get your room back in order when you move all your crap back from school. Anyway, the books are:

• The Last Days of California by Mary Miller
• On The Road by Jack Kerouac
• The Birth of Venus by Sarah Dunant
• Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
• The Iliad by Homer
• The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller.

I said they weren't stacked in any particular order, but I will probably read them as they come to the top. I've read The Song of Achilles before, as you may remember. It's characters are based of the ones from Homer's The Iliad so I'm reading it as a sort of... form of personal research. I think it'll be fun but who knows. I'm also planning to read The Divine Comedy by Dante but I don't own that one yet. It's also on my back burner as I definitely want to finish these ones first. I'm gonna start of my summer reading with The Last Days of California by Mary Miller. I'll let you know what I think in a few days.

catch you later,
Karleigh

“What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.”  //  J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

134/365

It's crazy how culture shifts over time. There are a lot of things that were not as customary as they are now. My mother often reminds me of this, especially when I don't want to speak to people when we see them in public. The thing that is so funny is that people think that cursing and promiscuity wasn't around in the 50s and 60s and that's why they are so ideal. Obviously, everything that we deal with now, people dealt with years before. 

It's ideal to view the past through photographs. Have you ever wondered why your relatives don't smile in any of the old photographs? It's cause they were unhappy. No, I'm joking. I don't know why they didn't smile. Maybe they did for the same reason that we make ridiculous faces in all of our selfies... just because we can. I just think that what you see in photographs makes the past quite idealistic; however, they dealt with a lot of inequality and "keep bad things under wraps" mindset in places that we don't. Young girls were sent away when they got pregnant at sixteen, now they get television shows. 

Our culture is constantly evolving and I think that's a good thing in some ways. We may not like all the new things that we have, but we are much better off than we were in 1958. Now we can curse in public and people don't call your parents. Well, in Mississippi they might...

catch you later,

Karleigh

"Do not raise your children the way your parents raised you; they were born for a different time."// Abi bin Abi Taleb (599—661 A.D.)

133/365

I want you watch this.

catch you later,
Karleigh

"It’s always surprising to me how many young women think they have to be perfect. I rarely meet a young man who doesn’t think he already is." //  Hillary Clinton

132/365

I like to measure my life in chapters. Chapters are a great use to me, because sometimes you have to call on past chapters and sometimes events from past chapters rear an ugly head again. Chapters work for me. As it so happens, -- and as you were probably confused as to what I was going on about -- I'm finishing up a small chapter in my life. I say small but this has really been one of the most impactful times in my life. When you turn twenty, it seems like your life should be in a sort of order, that you should know what you want to do and with whom you want to do it. Actually, it's not like that at all. Being twenty is a lot like being a squirrel in the road while a car is coming. You just keep going from side to side because it's unclear which way will help you out (i.e. save you) the fastest. 

My two years at a community college was the biggest learning experience that I've had thus far. I

started it off with people who weren't really my friends, then I made new friends who ended up on a different path than me, and I ended my time with some people that I hope I never leave behind. It took me a long time to like myself and while I was at school, I learned who I think that I am and who I think I want to be and I like both of those things. I like the path that I'm on. I feel like a completely different person than the girl that I was last summer.

As you grow up, you naturally shed layers. Who you are at five is different than who you are at fifteen and is different than who you are at twenty five. I have a ton of learning and growing to do and, as I end this chapter, I look forward to beginning the new ones. Twenty feels old sometimes, but it's so, so young. There are so many new things to see and to do. I'm finally learning that sitting at home and waiting for fun things to happen and for people to come to me isn't what life is about. Life is about going outside and embracing the unfamiliar. It's about stepping out of your comfort zone. If there is one thing that I will always love my community college for, it will be that this school taught me how to embrace absolutely everything. Everything you experience is personal growth, so you better start growing.

catch you later,

Karleigh

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” // Anaïs Nin

131/365

I'm quite tired. I had moved everything out of my dorm on Sunday and then got a text saying that I had to be at school by eight thirty the next day, even though I was meant to be off. I came back home today and fell asleep for about two more hours. Now, I'm trying to cram in the last bits of information for the two finals that I have left. I'm going to leave you all with your own thoughts as a continuation of yesterday's post about being your own best friend. 

If you, like me, have any more finals then I hope you are studying instead of wasting time by watching old One Direction interviews or vlogs. If you are studying, then you are already in better shape than I am.

catch you later,

Karleigh

“To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe.”// Marilyn Vos Savant

130/365

Who is the most important person in your life? Your mom or your dad. Your best friend that you've known since sixth grade or maybe the one that you made yesterday. You spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, friend with benefits. Did you name one of them? Okay; so you're wrong. Let me ask you again.

Who is the most important person in your life? The correct answer is that you are the most important person in your life. At some point in everyday, you are alone and when you are alone, you are reduced to one person. You are alone and in that moment, your entire life is centered around you. 

Most of the time, we can be pretty selfish. People in general are selfish; we cannot all be like Mother Theresa. I am not saying that the world revolves around you. You are the most important person in your life -- that doesn't make you selfish. Saying that you are the most important person in your friend/sister/spouse's life is selfish. That's not my point. In those moments during the day, when you are alone, do you love yourself? I mean... do you enjoy your own company? Are you content to be alone with your thoughts or do you turn up the television or the radio so that you don't have to be alone?

I just want you to be your own best friend, because when that happens, you become unstoppable.

catch you later,
Karleigh

"Above anything else, stay true to yourself. Whether that means for you that you like to have blue hair, or you don’t like to drink, or you are attracted to the same sex, or you want to remove yourself from Facebook, or you’ve got 3 different kids from 3 different dads but you know you’re a really good mom, or you cry for a week because your turtle died. Whatever your truth is, stay true to yourself. But be a good person while you’re at it." // Gillian Anderson

129/365

 I don't know why people have to suffer so much. It takes literally every ounce of a person to chose to be happy. Life is like... when you go on a roller coaster at a carnival because you are literally terrified and something bad could happen at any moment, but you are still thrilled because you're alive. That feeling... that rush is what makes the roller coaster worth it, is what makes life worth it.

It's hard to get up everyday and enjoy every single aspect of your life. I saw someone the other day and she told me how crazy she feels if there aren't things for her to do everyday. I'm like that. I have to have something to do, a responsibility so that I feel like I have a purpose. I like to feel that there is a purpose in everything that I do. 

It is hard to be happy all the time, but you have to try. There comes a point in your life when you make a change and decide to find the fun in everything. You chose to not be bored, to enjoy yourself. Laugh at stupid jokes and go for walks. Drink a lot of water. You have to do what makes you happy and do it for the purpose of making yourself happy. It's really damn hard to be happy, but you have to spend every second that you get making yourself happy. At the end of your life, you definitely don't want to look back and wish that you had laughed more. 

catch you later,

Karleigh

"The single most remarkable fact about human existence is how hard it is for humans to be happy." // Hayes, Strosahl, Wilson, 1999

128/365

I really love the idea that people are a force of nature. You are an entity that is capable of literally anything. You are something green, newly alive and growing more and more with every passing second.

“You don’t know anyone at the party, so you don’t want to go. You don’t like cottage cheese, so you haven’t eaten it in years. This is your choice, of course, but don’t kid yourself: it’s also the flinch. Your personality is not set in stone. You may think a morning coffee is the most enjoyable thing in the world, but it’s really just a habit. Thirty days without it, and you would be fine. You think you have a soul mate, but in fact you could have had any number of spouses. You would have evolved differently, but been just as happy.
You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. Your personality is something else, something deeper than just preferences, and these details on the surface, you can change anytime you like.
If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes, it’s the only way.
Set fire to your old self. It’s not needed here. It’s too busy shopping, gossiping about others, and watching days go by and asking why you haven’t gotten as far as you’d like. This old self will die and be forgotten by all but family, and replaced by someone who makes a difference.
Your new self is not like that. Your new self is the Great Chicago Fire—overwhelming, overpowering, and destroying everything that isn’t necessary.”

                                                                                         - Julien Smith, The Flinch

Whenever you think that you cannot do anything, remember that you are just as strong as every other force of nature. You are literally a force of nature.

catch you later,
Karleigh

"The woman who doesn’t need validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet."// Mohadesa Najumi

127/365

I really love talking to people. If you know me, you probably know that too. Usually when I start talking to people, I cannot stop. I just don't want to let them go. I love hearing about people and getting to know them, even if it's just about their dislike for cold weather or how they really love rap music. I just really love people and the conversations that I have with them.

So instead of writing a long blog about how you should try to talk to more people and how great it is for you, I'm going to go talk to people (and study for my British literature final). You should just go talk to people. You'll learn a lot more from people in your life than you will almost anything else.

catch you later,

Karleigh

"The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard." // William Hazlitt, Selected Essays, 1778-1830

126/365

I should be blow drying my hair right now, but I want to get this done more than I want to have pretty hair today. If we want to be super honest, sometimes this blog is a chore. Don't get me wrong; I love writing. I love this blog. There are some days, however, when I just do not feel like chucking out a couple of mediocre paragraphs for you to like on Facebook. That's much more awful sounding than I planned. What I mean is that some days these writings don't feel like my best because I'm not always doing my best with them. Somebody actually said that they went to read my blog the other day for the first time and were astounded by how short they were. Aren't blog supposed to be giant ramblings about personal stuff, mixed in with a few how-to's and life revelations? 

The answer to that is yes and no. I do tell you guys about personal stuff and then share other stuff with you like a lot of other blogs. I don't always manage to have a smile on my face when I do it or make them amazingly long either. That's why I'm trying a new thing where I get up in the morning and write these. I did it while I was in Texas and it was like a huge weight off of me. While these blogs are super fun for me, they are still something that I have to remember to do everyday.

I'm not trying to be really negative about this blog. I love writing for it. It's a really relaxing thing to do after I get started. It's finding time to do it that is hard. Sometimes you just have to shake it up, to keep it interesting. That's what I'm doing now. Oh and by the way Mother's Day is this weekend. Don't forget that.

catch you later,

Karleigh

“Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.”// Terry Pratchett

125/365

Worrying over things will not change their outcome. I know this, but I still worry. I know that if I stress over my grades or others' actions, I will not actually change those things. However, I cannot help but to worry over the events around me. It is apparently just in my nature. 

Recently, I did some extra stuff for someone -- wow, how weirdly worded -- so that I could benefit myself. They knew that it was for my benefit, so no worries on that front; however, they refused to hold their end of the bargain up on the same day. Needless to say, I was a little bit furious, but then I was also a whole lot of nervous. What if they didn't help me out like they said they would? What if they had just lied so that, at first, I would be helping them and they wouldn't have to hold out on the deal?

I worried about this all weekend -- except for Sunday, because I had bigger priorities that day -- and do you know what I helped? Do you know what I changed about the outcome?

Nothing.

This morning I received an email from that person saying that they had held up their end of the deal. Basically, you can worry about everything. You can worry from the time the sun rises to when it sets, and you still won't change the way that events will turn out. I used to know someone who would always say that everything would be okay -- it was her response to basically everything -- and, though it annoyed me when I was close to her, it was a really great way to look at the stressful parts of life.

catch you later,
Karleigh

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened.” // Mark Twin

124/365

A few months ago, a friend of mine told me the line up for this year's Memphis in May (or Beale Street Music Festival, if you'd rather) and I quickly notified her that we would be there. I love live music, and I will usually go somewhere just because there is live music. You remember when we discussed Hozier? Well, he was there. And Ed Sheeran, too. Obviously, my tiny butt had to make my way to Memphis as well. 

On Sunday morning, after I went to church, I drove to my friend's house and then we began our trip to Memphis. Now, I don't know if you've ever been to a music festival. It's like... it's the best and worst atmosphere ever. Hozier didn't play until 7 and Ed was after him. We got there around three thirty and, after purchasing some water and making a slightly sad use of the port-a-potties, we made our way to the stage where these guys would be. There was some awful Polish band playing and I think everyone listening to them was just horribly bummed by how terrible they were. All of their songs were in Polish as well, so that really didn't help their case. 

During the time that the Polish band played and then another band played after them, we shifted a fair bit and got closer to the front. I saw people much younger than me mistaking vodka for water. Just so you guys know, vodka and water aren't the same. They are both clear, but they don't hydrate you the same. Perhaps they should teach that in high school, because a lot of people got really tired very quickly yesterday. While it was super hot and we were all very close together, it was still a very poor decision to drink vodka to keep you hydrated. 

Beyond the drug/alcohol usage that happened around us, we made a few friends and got to talking to some folks from places like Ohio and Arkansas. Pretty neat. Hozier was super amazing live. He doesn't really seem like the musician to keep you entertained, more like a guy to play in the background while you do stuff, but he was so into the music and so was the crowd. So many people knew his stuff and sang along. It was really beautiful. He sang a lot of songs off of his album, like "Work Song," "From Eden" and "It Will Come Back," which were all super incredible.  Later, Ed came out and he told us about visiting Graceland and he sang an Elvis song. I'm a huge Elvis fan so this was a big deal to me. It was so ridiculously fun and hot -- a really incredible experience, I think.

If you ever need to schedule time to chill before you have a ton of finals to study for, go see one of your favorite bands live. You definitely won't regret it. I have to get back to my physical science stuff now.

catch you later,

Karleigh

"Heaven and hell were words to me." // "Work Song", Hozier

123/365

I'm on an adventure. 

catch you later,

Karleigh

"It's not stupid if it's fun." // Ashley Lancaster

122/365

I'm pretty sure one of my best friends is an almost two year old little boy. When you make friends, you make them in really funny ways. I'm friends with people that are a good deal older than me and friends that are obviously a good deal younger than me. I always had problems talking to folks my own age when I was small. I grew up with a much older mother and grandmother than most of my friends. There were never men around me. I was always around older women. Maybe that's why I have always acted like I'm thirty years old. 

I think it's funny how you find your friends. Similarities come in all shapes and sizes but the best people to be friends with are the people that help you to be a better version of you. It took me a long time to find friends like that. It takes you realizing who you are and what you want out of yourself for you to be able to identify people that will help you. But having friends that only help you isn't everything. Do you remember when your parents told you that "to make friends, you have to be a friend." Surprise, surprise. That's true.

If you are in a one-sided friendship that only benefits you, then it isn't a relationship. You have to constantly be prepared to help your friends, just like they would help you. The little boy that is one of my best friends teaches me to have patience, to be understanding and to always have fun. In exchange, I teach him about everything else. Right now, the world is his oyster and he's teaching me to make the world my oyster too. 

catch you later,

Karleigh

“Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them”// Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

121/365

I really miss movie rental places. When I was eleven or twelve, right around the time my mother retired, we were learning what we had in common. My mom has always been my best friend, but we didn't get to spend a lot of time together for the first ten years of my life. After she retired, we were kinda starting at the beginning. We both have this insane passion for movies, especially the kinda weird ones. 

There was this Blockbuster in the town next to mine that we frequented and it had this giant book of actors and the films they had been in. We must have rented so many movies from there. Every time we would rent one and find an actor we liked, we'd look them up in the book and find the movies. Sometimes they were really weird or kinda gross. Sometimes they were really

amazing; the kinda movies that stuck with me for a long time.

I can't remember the first time that I saw Stand By Me. I remember really loving it though. That was about the time when I didn't have a lot of friends and I relied on the people of books and movies as my companions. It's a bit silly to think about now, but I really liked movies like this one.

Today, Ben E. King passed away. He's known for singing the song Stand By Me, to go with the film. I was really upset when I found out that he passed away. Almost as much as when I realized that River Phoenix had passed away after I had seen this movie. You can learn a lot of lessons from movies, and you can learn a ton from this film. In honor of King and Phoenix, you should go give it a watch this weekend.

catch you later,

Karleigh

"I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?" // the writer, Stand By Me